Friday, April 5, 2013

ppd (post partum discussion): breastfeeding

holy goshness! thats one loooong hiatus but for me it just yesterday when i shared our ttc journey.  now i understand why those ttc blogs become silent after delivery.  yes, i was once like those readers who say: "what happened? she's no longer posting." well, trying to have a baby is one journey to tackle. having one is a different ballgame.

now its almost 6 months post-delivery and i've enjoyed and endured  every second of it. this will be my first post on being a mom. and as i see it, i'd better start with the first item i dealt after giving birth to C... let me share my breastfeeding experience.

remember my previous post that i want to breastfeed all the way. when the nurse handed baby C to me, i was thinking what go wrong.  this is the most natural thing between a mom and a baby. when my baby latched, i didn't feel any pain at all. it was all good. that was day 1. when my pain meds wore out, i was in pain! my nipples were sore, it was just day 2. baby C latch every hour and feeding would last almost the entire hour. that gives me just a few minutes to compose myself. i fear every moment someone says "feeding time". with the law on breastfeeding and the hospital advocacy, i was not allowed to give my baby formula. i tried pumping but the drop of milk couldn't even reach the bottle. by day 3,  i didn't want to feed baby C. i screamed at P. i cried. my nipples were bleeding, yes, both of them. P feared that i would succumbed to post-partum depression just because of breastfeeding.

BF advocates would say its because of improper latch. the nurses taught, helped and assisted but it still hurts like hell. you couldn't ask them to be with you every time you feed your baby and correct your position. the baby still would suck and cry the way she wants. it was a battle.  before i went home, i wanted a formula prescription. my pedia obliged due to my bleeding nipples.

when we got home, P fed C with bottle formula for the first time. our reaction: baby was happily feeding and content. i was in no pain. P was just happy and called it miracle. we were silent for a moment... even C was content. she slept well, no colic. i was able to sleep. choosing formula over bm seems like an ideal option. but i didn't want to lose this battle. once the bleeding stopped and despite P's protest, i let C latched on me. it was still painful but i was adamant. i focused on how warm C was, how cute her eyes, how little her fingers were.  little by little, i decreased C's formula intake and within one week, its just one formula a day. the following month we're back to ebf (exclusively breastfeeding).

i am proud with my achievement. up to this day, even if i'm working full-time at the office, C and i are ebf. its hard and stressful, i have to confess but i feel fulfilled. its the best bonding moment with my baby and i'm now enjoying every minute of it. my nipples are numbed, i would have to say.  she would latched incorrectly and it wouldn't bother me now. once her first tooth break out though is another story, hahaha. but for now, we're all happy.

next time, i will share how i increase my milk supply... oh, its no miracle, i'd say. but as the saying goes: no pain, no gain. i've been to a lot with ttc, i'd say i can do this... i really can, for C :)