Thursday, May 19, 2011

Cycle 4 D24: Feeling down and low

not sure what's happening but i feel so down. i think we're not successful. over the weekend, i had diarrhea that i need to go 4x in a day. it lasted until monday. i didn't know if i ate something bad or what but P wasn't experiencing it. it was just me. i was scared that i would be getting my period early. i still dont have AF but i feel i might which make me feel so sad.

my bbt was up to 97.93 this morning. it usually goes down 2 days before i get AF and i feel like this cycle is not any different. there's a on-off cramping like that i need to go but couldn't. same feeling i have if prior to AF.

frustrating! honestly, i'm getting really really mad and frustrated. why can't i get pregnant!!! and to think that its coupled with the RH bill war over the radio, tv and even on the internet. its crazy how other people can't control their urges to not get pregnant while us on the other hand if spending good money on meds to get pregnant. its a crazy, cruel, cruel world! and they said the rh bill will help alleviate poverty which by the way, is nothing but bull**** to me. my aunt lives in the province and she has around 7 or more (i stopped counting) kids. she said it's all good so that they could help with the farm. that's the tradition before in the provinces... way back when PH is focusing on agriculture. but people started to move away from the province and insist on coming to crowded cities living on government (and sometimes even private) properties. they should relocate them and give them farms for livelihood! its not about catholic opposing the bill... its all about the strategy. what we need to responsible parenting. educate the parents and soon-to-be parents! not just those who are about to marry.

the government is willing to give free condoms but not provide infertility treatments. truth be heard, if it isn't obvious... GETTING PREGNANT IS NOT A SICKNESS, INFERTILITY IS! if you don't want to get pregnant, my gosh, don't do the deed. if you do the deed, then you took the risk of getting yourself a baby bump. deal with it because it's effin' normal! we want to get pregnant, and we do it every single day and end up with nothing! that is not normal! the government won't cover infertility treatment but they're willing to give condoms out from taxpayers money! geez, and to think we are paying for health coverage. it should not be called reproductive bill! deal with the sickness if you want to call it reproductive health bill. otherwise, call it an effin' POPULATION CONTROL BILL!

if you look at it... the best scenario they want is for the rich to reproduce and for the poor to limit their count. those who can afford bring their children in private schools at no cost from the government. they pay for everything, not to mention annual income tax and even higher commodity taxes(VAT). the poor will send their kids to public schools. graduates from the private schools would have higher probability of getting into better jobs than those from public schools. so the rich will go on to be rich and the poor would have a shot on getting rich. where's the equality there?

what we need: responsible parenthood, better education, alternative career outside the city, and infertility treatments for those those couples who can afford to have children. oh wait, the last one was what "I" need, hahaha.

gosh! im talking nonsense! argh, see what the 2ww can make out of me. am sure to cry if ever i get my af! sigh!

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